Before I go through yesterday’s long training run, lets start with something fun. My road trip to Palo Duro, TX last month was amazing! I was feeling the breakdown build up and knew I needed to stop and reconnect with myself, refuel, and recharge spiritually. There is nothing better than a solo road trip to do exactly that. I wondered last post where my next trip would take me. I asked a friend, and he quickly said, “Palo Duro.” “DONE!” I said, without realizing it was going to be over a 5hr drive. Ha ha… I needed this time, so no problem. Challenge accepted!
The morning I was to do my trail run I made a pit stop to load up on hydration, food, and a few supplies. Because I was alone, I made sure to keep my emergency contact updated, my friend Christina. I was so excited. There is an organized trail run that takes place there that I’d always wanted to run and never got a chance to.
I remember being a bit disappointed as I drove to the canyon from the hotel that morning. “Where were the hills? The mountains? There’s nothing but rolling flat land!” My thoughts were turning into sadness as I drove up the state park entrance. Until… I looked down to my right! WOW! Of course dummy! for canyons look down! What an amazing site! I literally had an emotional burst that hit hard from within my core. Tears just started flowing! Why? Where was this all coming from???
I paid the entrance fee and asked for a trail map. I parked at the entrance parking lot and called Christina. I just started crying and she knew exactly why. All she said was, “I know, right. God’s beauty. Take it in and enjoy!” Then she said send me an ID pic. True friend! Ha ha…
I ran 13 miles total between two trails. The first was known as a runner’s trail, so not as much elevation. The second was a bit more challenging and so had to do more hiking than running because there were spots I had to climb up and down from. It was cold, breathtaking, and beautiful. I love taking this time to just think and clear my head. Talking to myself, praying, meditating, and recharging.
The Tuesday after my trip to Palo Duro I had my scheduled coronary calcium screening. A preventative screening my doctor suggested I have done because of my T2D and family history or heart disease. Sadly, this preventative screening revealed that I did in fact have a high level of calcification around my heart, as well as some extra surprises. The scan revealed a spot in one of my lungs and an unidentified mass in my liver. Next, cardiologist for my heart and MRI asap for my liver. Talk about a wake up call. I am still in shock and a bit scared with the unknown. However, with help of my friends and family I know I am not alone and will get through this, one day at a time.
I had my MRI and another CT two days ago, which was fitting because it was national Wear Red for Women with Heart Disease Day. I see both my doctor and cardiologist on Thursday and will go from there. I know I should not spend too much time worrying about the things I cannot control. The problem is, sometimes it gets confusing on exactly how much of life I can control and what parts I need to just accept.
Meanwhile, I am interviewing and filming new pieces sharing my story as an Ambassador for Know Diabetes by Heart. I know there is a reason for everything that I’ve gone through and am going through. I don’t need to know why, just how can I make it all work for good. If sharing my story continues to inspire and help just one more person then it will all be worth it.
Moving on to yesterday’s long run…
The morning started out cold and rainy, and like always I didn’t realize it was raining until I walked outside. ha ha… “Oh well, guess it’s going to be a wet 20”, I thought. Again, I headed to the lake. It is so much easier there because of the 9 mile loop that forces me to at least finish 18, once I start the second round. Everything was going really well until I hit mile 14.The rain was more like light mist off and on during the run. After passing 14, I started feeling a pressure in my chest. Not debilitating, but present. I also started noticing that my breathing was at a slower pace. In fact, my pace in general was a lot slower than I would have expected at this stage in my training.
When I ran my last marathon, my pace was averaging at around 10 minute miles. Marathon time was at about a 4:27 PR. At the pace I am running currently, I am looking at a 6 hr marathon, with averaging about a 14 minute pace. Even my shorter weekday runs are about a 12-13 minute pace. I didn’t get it until today. I have been modifying my pace because my breathing has been more difficult. BAM! What a hit to the gut. What is happening to me? Am I really sick? Hell no! I can push through this, right???
Sure, until my body said STOP! The last quarter of my run was hard. I pushed through the next 3.5 miles until I could not even trot. I was determined to get through all 20 though, so I walked the last two. Crying my eyes out, feeling the pain in my chest become more prevalent and wondering if I would ever be able to run marathons again. Runners know that running is more mental than physical after a certain point. This however, wasn’t a feeling I wanted to push through. The heart is something I do not want to push past its limits.
I wear so many hats, and they all have six of the most beautiful faces dependent on me not pushing past a breaking point. I think that has by far been the scariest part of all this. Facing my mortality and coming face to face with how fast life can change. I’m praying for the best but know that I am prepared for the worst. I have come this far. There’s nothing but time and understanding that some things may have to be modified to adapt to the coming season, and this I can handle.
Until the next run…
Happy running!!!
Runmom_6 
Stay strong.
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