I finally made it to Northshore Trail through the Rockledge Park entrance this week. I’ve been wanting to start there forever, but my weekend hikes are almost always early and I don’t have the patience to wait around until 8 a.m. for the gate to open.
After Enchanted Rock, hell week began. Tax Day. Wednesday, April 15. You know the drill. I didn’t get much real hiking in until Thursday, which I always take off to recover. The weather was perfect. I could feel God all over it.
Before I even started walking, I sat in my van and had my first video appointment with a psychiatrist. And for the first time, I actually felt like I was doing something about the noise in my head — not just telling the story again, not just circling. I am tired of saying I am tired. I am not crazy and I am not done. I have been through some major shit and I still have more story left to write.
That appointment was the fuel for the whole 6-mile hike.
My struggle is that I can have multiple thoughts at once, and each one holds its own full-blown conversation. It’s exhausting. Not just for me — for the people who love me. So before we talk medication, we’re getting a proper diagnosis first. Not rushing, but rushing. You know what I mean? There’s a paid online assessment for ADHD and the like. I scheduled it. I scheduled the follow-up. A real plan, with dates on it.
The CPA in me finally got to build a project plan for the inside of my own head.
The trail itself was breathtaking. The views off the rockledge were spiritually peaceful in a way I wasn’t expecting. I got there lost and I left with a plan.
And then the little things. A stack of stones someone built on the trail, leaning like the Tower of Pisa — somehow still holding. A tiny gnome tucked at the base of a tree with a little sign that said Home Sweet Home. I laughed out loud. I was out there trying to figure out how to be at home in my own head, and there he was, already settled in.
I thought Thursday did the work. Sunday told me it didn’t.
So Sunday I went back. Coffee in hand, no intention of logging another 6 miles. My body was tired and my mind was craving clarity. The weekend, as fun as it was, left me rethinking how I value myself and how I show up for people — the tone I set with the decisions I make, and the ones I fail to make.
Sunday was my no hike, hike. I wasn’t there to move. I was there to talk to God, and more importantly, to listen.
Turns out if I actually shut up and listen, I have a chance. Lol.
Runmom_6 